It took a few weeks, but I now feel like I have a better direction for my life, rather than the mixed jumble of half-plans that I seemed to be struggling with for the past three months or so. Instead than coming gradually, like I half expected the newly discovered ideas to do, I was hit one evening with several new ideas that materialized over the course of just a few hours. Perhaps it was because I was distracted long enough to not agonize over the details, that the picture became clear. Or perhaps it was because I was mentally quiet enough to allow the thoughts to wash over me, unrestrained by my constant to-do-list. Either way, I'm grateful for the insights that peeked their way into my brain that allowed for a paradigm shift in perspective and priorities.
So I've decided to accept the following changes in my life:
-My family life will continue as usual, but with greater emphasis on the physical, mental, and spiritual well-being of everyone these next few months.
-Work will also continue for the next two weeks, until I am able to advance to the supervisory and/or managerial positions, at which time our family schedules will be adjusted accordingly and continue throughout 2012.
-I will begin to take non-matriculated classes starting in January, and will begin the process of studying for the October GRE and LSAT exams in April. Further classes will be taken as needed in September and applications for graduate schools will be completed by Thanksgiving of next year.
-After the start of 2013, greater efforts will be made on the research aspect of my book, and subsequent related chapters will be written.
-Preparations for accommodating grad school will begin in the spring of 2013.
-For now, I will focus on preparing for the changes, and helping the girls to get ready for the next school year, and maximizing our family's edification.
When I need to be reminded of something, the easiest way to do so is through music. I think most clearly when I have music playing in the background, and more often than not the lyrics to various songs are applied to my life on almost a daily basis. So it comes as no surprise, that on the night when everything I've been worrying about fell into place, I also heard the following song for the first time as well, and I've included the lyrics below:
Keeping Sheep
Lynne Perry Christofferson
I have a little flock of sheep
And they are mine to tend and keep.
And I must guard them everyday,
For little lambs, when left alone, will lose their way.
So many voices say to me,
A sheep-fold is no place to be
Your time spent there is dull and slow
And lambs leave very little room for you to grow.
Well if I ever start to stray
Deceived by thoughts of greener pastures
Remind me Lord that keeping sheep
Will lead to happier ever-afters.
Oh surely there will come a day
when all the lambs have left my side
and I am free to roam about
and go exploring other meadows, green and wide.
Yet something whispers in heart
That when my sheep have left this pen
I’ll long to stroke their little heads
To draw them close to me
And have them young again.
So if I ever start to stray
Deceived by thoughts of greener pastures
Remind me Lord that keeping sheep
Will lead to happier ever-afters.
So while they still are in my care
I pray that I will clearly see
These little lambs within my fold
Are tender gifts the Master Shepherd has given me.
On the off chance that I find the right picture to illustrate this beautiful metaphor, I'll send a framed copy of this song to each of you as well. :-)
I'm encouraged by the direction I'm taking in life, and I love that I have a family who is not only willing to share the ride with me, but also to make the journey so much more enjoyable. Whatever happens these next two years or so, I'm glad I have them in my corner, and I hope I'll always cherish them in the manner that they deserve.
